I'm coming to the end of my first semester at University. Did I ever believe that I'd say that, let alone be experiencing it. The changes I've made to my life in the past 6 years have been incredible, truly incredible. I'm just a completely different person, in a positive way of course.
Way back, this time in 2009 I was working in Spain as a Chef in the south-eastern resort of La Manga Club. It was a beautiful place of white washed millionaires villas, clear blue sea and long sunny days. Well, one night, around this time, I stood on the edge of a cliff and my life completely changed direction. I was just trundling along at the point, just ambling along through life. I had no clear direction and to some extent I guess I was existing rather than living. Then, one rainy night I decided that I'd had enough. I couldn't carry on living this lie, couldn't carry on along this route. I had to make a choice. I could either change things or I may as well just step of the edge into oblivion.
So, I chose life. I came back to England and made peace with the fact that I was transgender and that I needed to do something about it. For me, the solution was transition and 6 years on I haven't looked back. I don't regret living a male existence because I had experiences I wouldn't have had otherwise. I did have some good times and I met people without whom my life wouldn't be so rich. Saying all of this, I do regret not transitioning sooner. I feel that I've lost years because I began transition at 28 rather than ten years sooner. Ultimately though, I love being me. I still smile when someone calls me Emma or uses female pronouns to refer to me. That part of transition, despite being the norm, will never get boring.
Transition wasn't the only thing I needed to do in order to improve my life though. I needed to take a long hard look at my career. Did I really want to be a chef? The answer was a resounding no so just months after my Gender Reassignment Surgery I enrolled at college. I spent a year redoing my Maths, English and Science GCSEs then spent a year doing an Access to Higher Education course. All of that brings me here, to Bangor University where I'm studying English Literature and Journalism. Can I believe I'm here? No. It still feels strange. It was never something that was on the cards for me although, like transition, I wish I'd done it sooner.
As well as transition and university, I've also written a book about my life, interviewed Rebecca Root and I've had articles published in the student paper. Claude Littner himself read my Apprentice review! Things are still looking up for me! I guess that the purpose of this post is that it's never too late to change. I needed to literally look into the jaws of oblivion but I shouldn't have needed that! All it takes is the belief that what you are doing is right and that it's needed in order for you to live a full and great life. A life worth living!
