The Post-GRS Blues

On Twitter during the week, I joined in a conversation about Gender Reassignment Surgery and general fears regarding such a huge operation. Personally, GRS completed me. It was always the plan, the end point. Sure, I had my fears because it was such a big operation. One thing I never prepared for though was the 'what now' effect.

For twenty six years I'd wanted to be a girl. The op was (in my mind anyway) the final step to completing that process. Once it was over and I'd recovered I was left with a huge hole in my life, a great chasm. It was really like that, I promise you. It was as though a great void had opened up in my life and all I could keep thinking was 'what now? What the hell do I do with my life now?'

By the time I'd had the operation in 2013, I'd been going through transition for three years. Now that's not long compared to a lot of other transitionees I know but three years is still a long time whichever way you look at it. Following the op, for me, transition was over. I was wrong about that, I know now. Transition continues long after GRS! Anyway, I was still left with a huge hole in my life to fill so what did I do?

I quit my catering career of fourteen years and threw myself into finally getting an education. I started attending night school to obtain my GCSEs in English, Maths and Science. Then, a year later I went to college to study an Access to Higher Education course. A year later I was beginning an English Literature and Journalism Degree at Bangor University.

I'm not saying that all transgender people should quit their jobs as soon as they're off the operating table, that they should be as dramatic as me in trying to fill that hole. It does help to throw yourself into something though, to carry that change on, to continue to better yourself.