Where Will You Be In Five Years Time?

Me today!

Imagine back to five years ago. Where did you imagine you'd be on the 17th May 2015 way back in 2010? What were your hopes and aspirations for the coming half-decade? Where did you imagine your life to be headed? For me, way back then, I was called Paul Jewkes and I was what I refer to as pre-transition. I had started along the path to transition and had attended two appointments at the Nottingham Gender Clinc. My family had been aware of my gender issues for just over a year at this point too. I was still a Chef, having been working as a Senior Chef de Partie at Ringwood Hall for just under a year. My life was in a period of upheaval though for I was just a few weeks away from beginning life as Emma Victoria Jewkes!

It's so hard to believe that it's been five years since I went full-time because a kind of paradox exists. On the one hand it feels like I've been living this way for a lot longer, like I've been living as my rightful gender for my whole life. On the other hand though I don't feel like I've had long enough living like this. I experience an almost daily regret at my lost years, the lost time I spent living as a boy rather than the girl I should have been. Anyway, that's a conversation for another post at another time. This post is all about celebrating the fact that I've enjoyed five amazing years living as the right gender!

It really has been amazing! Life has just gotten better with each year since I went full-time. I see myself as being able to do anything now and that is a direct result of my transition. If I can change gender (in the eyes of society at least), if I can put myself out there and say "This is me, I'm a trans woman", if I can experience transition then I can truly do anything. It was that attitude that led to me quitting catering. It was never really a job I enjoyed and a lot of the time I endured it if I'm being completely honest. I'm now just a few short months from university and that "I can do anything" attitude is what will carry me through.

I guess that the moral of this post is that when people ask you where you think you'll be in five years time, believe that ANYTHING is possible. I'm living proof that there is nothing to fear but fear itself, that if you truly want something then you can achieve it. I wanted to go full-time and I did. I wanted GRS and I got it! I wanted a better career for myself and I'm doing it! Don't get me wrong, five years ago I guessed that I'd have had my GRS by now but that was about the only thing. Everything else, the fact that I'd be living a healthy, happy life full of acceptance, the fact that I'd be doing something I loved, the fact that I'd have a truly optimistic future, well it all seemed a bit pie in the sky! In fact, if you rewind back to 2005 and a decade ago, I doubted whether I'd even still be here by the time 2015 hit! Thankfully I am and thankfully I'm now living a life which I truly want to experience, a life I wake up every morning to with a smile and a little giggle at the fact that I can scarcely believe this is my life!