Goodbye, For Now

Thankyou!

No really, Thankyou!

I've been thinking how I could start this post and saying Thankyou seemed the best way.

Five years ago I started blogging and over the years, as I've blogged about my transition I blogged not just for myself but for you. There were times when I thought it was a way of helping myself make sense of transition but in reality that was only a small reason. Ultimately there's no point in blogging if you don't have some form of readership. It doesn't matter how people come across a blog, whether it be stored in their favourites list or they just come across it while browsing, without that readership you may as well give up. So Thankyou for reading over the past five years or so, Thankyou for joining me along this journey!

     When I had surgery I wasn't quite sure how I would feel afterwards. I had no idea how it would change things in my mind. It's had an enormous effect in so many different ways. For the first time in my life I'm 100% comfortable with my sexuality. I'm happier with my body than I've ever been. Sure I still have a couple of hangups but what woman doesn't? I think that the most major change psychologically is that I feel fixed. I feel cured. I no longer suffer from Gender Dysphoria because that would mean that I had confusions about my gender identity and I don't.  I'm a woman through and through and no one can question that fact any more.

     For the first time, perhaps in my life, I feel confident enough and ready enough to embark on romantic relationships. I have no issues to prevent me from getting close to someone, no hidden secrets either. My past is mine to dispense with when I feel ready to, not when I meet someone for the first time.

     For the first time I feel confident enough to change my career. I feel it's possible to start from scratch and to make a new life for myself doing something I really want to do. I was stuck in catering because it was all I knew. I was good at it and I made Head Chef so I succeeded at it. In the end that wasn't enough. What's the point of being at the top of a career you really don't enjoy. I'm now looking at going into teaching. I've applied to redo my GCSE's. One of my greatest regrets is that I didn't come out of school with much. Now I've got a chance to change that, to be something and I'm going to throw my all into it. I will pass them and I will qualify as a teacher and I'm determined to be a bloody good one.

     Throughout this process my family has been my rock. My parents have been the best parents anyone could have. It wasn't easy for them at first but they learned to accept me for who I was even if they didn't fully understand it. If it wasn't for them I'm not sure I'd be here now. My sisters have been great and I'm closer to my big sister than I've ever been. I look after her three children every week while she works nights and they really are great kids, as are all of my nieces (3) and nephews (4). Those who protest that children don't understand when an adult transitions or that it might make children want to transition themselves are proved wrong by the kids in my family. I'm Aunty Emma now and they don't question that. Nor have they showed any signs that they may copy me! Children are innocent of the prejudices of adults. It's just a pity that some adults choose to drill those prejudices into their children's minds. My brother still has a long way to go and I'm not sure he'll ever get there. My sister in law (his wife) is great. We work together most Wednesday's which I really enjoy. I'm disappointed by my brother but I'm past sad now. If he can't get over himself after four years of knowing then that's up to him. One thing I do know is that we'll both be deeply regretful one day, only one of us will deserve to.

     All in all, I'm living life. I'm meeting new people as well as getting back in touch with old friends. The futures mine now and it's exciting. For the first time in my life I feel confident enough to look to the future with optimism. For the past four years transition has dominated my life, it's been an ever present. Now I feel free from it. It was a burden at times but going through it has been an experience that has made me stronger. It's something I should never have had to go through but I'm glad I did. I'm glad I had the strength of character to stick to my convictions, to transition no matter the cost.

     So we come to the end, not just the end of the post, the end of the blog. I feel that nows the right time to sign off, now I'm fixed. I will leave this blog up as I think it's important to share our journeys even if we no longer write about them. It is time to end though I think. I may post again, you never do know what can happen in life. For the foreseeable future though I won't be posting o this blog. I will still keep blogging though, in some form. It just won't be trans related. If you want the new address, just message me and I'll give it to you once I start blogging again.

So, this is it. Goodbye, for now at least.