In two weeks time I'll probably be experiencing a sleepless night, my last night before surgery at 5pm on the Monday evening. I keep saying it but it is getting real now. It really is dominating my thoughts to the extent that I'm dreaming about it. Last night I dreamed that I was due in hospital but I was running late and I wasn't packed and I missed my train. It wasn't a very nice dream. In reality I should be ok. I aim to be all set to go and I'm really trying to leave nothing to chance. Despite attempting to be ultra prepared I did have a little 'freak out' over the weekend. I guess it hit me, the enormity of it all. This is an incredible experience. Not only have I got the stresses and concerns often experienced in the lead up to a surgical procedure, I've got a system on it's 4th week without hormones! I am quite literally like a volcano at the moment, the slightest thing setting me off!
I am fine now. I'm just trying to get through each day without dwelling on things too much. I am ready for GRS now, I kinda just need it done. The wait is the worst thing. You'd think that I'd be used to waiting by now but the closer GRS has gotten, the harder it's been. It is like that last few meters of a marathon, it really is.
Hey, it's normal you know. The build-up just lasts for ever (at least it seems that way) before the day arrives and you get there. That can then feel a bit surreal, almost a bit trance-like. But it goes so quickly: a leap of faith at the end but the landing's soft and the drugs do work. You'll be fine and it gets much better from here :)
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