This is a post I've been holding off. After my last 'Goodbye' post I felt that I'd be cheating if I decided to post again, like I'd be going back on what I'd decided to do in ending this blog. Looking back though, there's a reason I entitled that last post like I did. I did intend not to post on this blog again, that's true. By entitling it 'Goodbye, For Now' I inserted a kind of failsafe. If I ever felt the need to blog again then I could. I guess I never locked the door, merely closed it for a while.
So why am I back when I seemed so determined to end this blog? The time seemed so right, didn't it? I'd seemingly transitioned, everything was going so well in my life, wasn't it? Well it still is, so don't worry about that. One of the reasons I posted on this blog for over five years was that it gave me an outlet. I'm a pretty solitary person in that I don't mind my own company. I don't have many friends, certainly no one I can call a best friend. I'm not depressed by that, it doesn't bother me really. The thing is that by having no 'best friends' I don't really have anyone to talk to. That's where this blog comes in. Over the course of five years and three months this blog was the one constant in my life. It was the one thing that remained unchanged. In a period of my life where everyone I knew changed how they perceived me, where I changed myself, where my whole life changed, this blog didn't and during the two months I stayed away from it, I missed that!
So, what's been happening in this past two months. Well, quite a bit as it happens. In my working life I've started doing nights at a care home as a care assistant. It's something I've never done before and in that respect I'm enjoying it. I don't mind the night work so much, I've always been a bit of a night owl anyway. It's a job at the end of the day and I'm just happy that I'm not in a kitchen anymore. I certainly do not regret my decision to 'retire' from catering. It's been nearly five months since I last cooked professionally and I don't miss it, not really. I only just realised last week that I will actually be able to look forward to Christmas for a change! That will definitely be a novelty!
In terms of my future career, well that's starting to take shape. I had my GCSE screening exams a couple of months ago. I need to redo my Maths, Science and English GCSE's if I want to be a teacher. In order to be accepted onto the courses they need to make sure that you're capable of getting at least a C grade. I passed my Science and English tests so I need to enrol next week. I failed my Maths one though so I need to retake that tomorrow. If I fail it again then I'll have to wait another year before I get another chance. Essentially if I fail, it could put my future career plans back an entire year! I'm not particularly confident considering my terrible grasp on numbers but I'll see how I do. If I pass then it'll be great. If I fail then it won't be so great but I'll pick myself up and work out a plan B.
In terms of my transition, well where do I start! I've been on HRT for three years now and one of my main concerns pre-op was my cleavage. I'd gotten to a small A cup around two years ago and I'd stayed there, with very little or no growth. When I had my last appointment at the GIC in June, he mentioned that he may be able to refer me to a breast surgeon for BA. a couple of weeks later and he referred me to a Mr Caddy in Sheffield. I now have an appointment to see him next month. The thing is that since the op, well since he referred me for BA, I've had a boost and gone up a cup size to B. When I had my bloods taken recently, my Oestrogen was low, around 365 when it should be between 400 and 600 so I've had my HRT increased to 3mg twice a day. So, if I had a boost when my Oestrogen was low, what can I expect now it's been increased? I'm beginning to feel a bit of a fraud going for BA when I might not need it! Of course, an explanation as to my boost in boobs could be that since the op I've put on around a stone in weight. I'm now in the process of losing that weight so I'm scared that if I don't go for BA then I loose weight, that my boobs will shrink again. It's a quandary alright, all be it a nice one to have. If anyone has any advice on this subject, please let me know. I need all the help I can get!
Something else that's taken shape over the past two months is my book. I've written 45,000 words so far which puts me about half way. I've attempted to write my book so many times before but I've rarely gotten past the first 2,000 words. I'm determined to finish it now with a view to publish it next year. Basically it's about my journey from that cliff top in November 2008 to My Bellringers table earlier this year. I'm really enjoying writing it actually! I think everyone has a story to tell but rarely get a chance to tell it. This is my chance. It has the working title of 'The End of the Rainbow' which will probably be it's final title, unless anything else comes to mind. We'll see!
Anyway, I'm back, I'm not closing the door anytime soon and you know what, it feels right!
It's nice to read an update and see how you're getting on. Good luck with everything you're planning for your future. Sue xxx
ReplyDeleteBoobs...
ReplyDeleteYou do realize that during you SRS they removed the source Main of your ttestosterone?.... The HRT you're taking doesn't have to overcome the testosterone before it can have an effect anymore, estrogen and progesterone (if you're taking it) is now allowed to roam wild naked and free and have it's full effect for a change (and that include your boobs).
P.S it doesn't matter what they tell you, anti-androgens aren't as effective as no (or minimal) testosterone to begin with, I'd give it a few months, fget the weight off and see if there's still a change and then if you still go for BA don't go overboard like most do, broader shoulders, bigger ribcage make up (visually, when clothed) for smaller boobs.
Good luck!
Sue:- Thankyou Sue :-) x
ReplyDeleteRenee:- Yes, I am aware that a gonadectomy (part of the operation I had generally called GRS) removes the gonads and that as the gonads are the main producer of testosterone in the male body. I am therefore aware that in removing said gonads the ability to produce testosterone is severely limited.
I was expecting a boost, having been told about it before the op. I just wasn't expecting the boost I've had. Now, with BA, if I go next month I have the chance to get a costly operation on the NHS. If I don't, and I decide to wait then I will have to pay for it myself in the future. Therein lies my dilemma.
I always said that I'd be happy with a C, in terms of boobs. That was the size of my implants and it suits my stature.
Nice to see you back. I thought about leaving the blog world, but then I remembered just how many life-long friends I have made via blogging. Bloggers, in general, are good people who aren't afraid to share their thoughts with others. My kind of people!
ReplyDeleteCalie
I knew there was a reason I didn't unbookmark this page! Nice to see you back and typing, it's nice to have an outlet, and it's nice to read one. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I checked back on this blog for any updates. It's good to hear you haven't given up blogging entirely and things are progressing well. Agree about a blog being an outlet, it's partly why I've left a comment here. I know from experience that sometimes it can be a little dispiriting writing a post and no-one comments or leaves any feedback. Just reassurance is needed that people read your blog and enjoy what you write.
ReplyDeleteCallie:- You're right about bloggers. They are good people and I like to think that I've made a few friends via the blogging world!
ReplyDeleteRobee:- Glad you didn't unbookmark the page and I hope you continue to read :-)
The Boiling Frog:- If you look back over my 'final' posts I didn't get a lot of comments and I think that's what started me thinking that I should end the blog. I began to wonder if anyone actually read the blog. I'm glad they do though and the response I'm getting proves that and makes me believe that there's a space in the blogging community for me!