I always look forward to these posts. They allow me to look back over the year and I'm often amazed at how far I've come. In previous years, these reviews have been full of amazing moments such as 2009 when I 'came out' to my mum. That year culminated in me attending the works staff party as Emma and set this whole thing in motion. 2010 was the year in which I began living as Emma full-time. That year was a truly amazing one and is probably one of the most important years of my life so far. Hopefully next year will become the most important year yet as I'm scheduled to have my GRS in March!
This year has been huge in its own right. 2011 was a bit quiet in the grand scheme of things but 2012 has been as eventful as you can get. It started off like any other year. I toasted the year in, sat by myself, with a glass of champagne. Im not sure what I hoped 2012 would be like. I think I had a slight hope that by this time I'd be recovering post-op.
For the first few months I lived my life as normal. I did start online dating and that's how I met my first boyfriend. I started online dating as a sort of experiment. I wanted to dip my feet into the water, see what kind of reaction I would get. I didn't mention anything about my trans status on my profile because I kinda felt I didn't need to. I didn't think I'd ever get as far as meeting someone. Towards the middle of February I began chatting to a lad called Jamie. He was fairly local and we had a fair bit in common. Pretty soon he suggested meeting up. I put him off but pretty soon I decided to tell him so I texted him saying that I was trans. He was fine about it. I don't think that he realised, at that point, that I was Pre-op. I added him on Facebook and we met up. We went walking up near Matlock. It was a great day out and we must've walked miles. A few weeks after that we arranged to go out for a night in Nottingham. It was a wonderful night out and towards the end we kissed for the first time. It was at that point that I decided I needed to be completely open with him so, in tears as I waited for my bus home, I told him exactly where I was in my transition.
A few days later we started texting each other again and we met up. We soon grew really close and every week we would meet up and go out. We would go out in Nottingham or walking in the middle of nowhere. It was the perfect summer. We soon booked a weekend away in Blackpool for the middle of August, it was perfect. Towards the end of July though, the storm clouds began to gather and Jamie started behaving a bit funny. He would take so much to heart. Then, over the course of a weekend, we broke up. It was in the cruelest of ways, by a text message from him. In the days afterwards I cried so much. I would cry in my car on my way to work, at work whenever I was alone, in bed at night. It was awful, truly rotten. At first I was confused as he seemed so in love with me. We would make plans for the future and he was so supportive over the whole trans thing. It just didn't seem to bother him. Around the time he dumped me, he told his parents about my trans status and I fully believe that they pressurised him. Pretty quickly my feeling of loss turned to hate and I wouldn't want anything to do with him again.
The thing with Jamie was a huge part of 2012. I was in a relationship and I enjoyed it. Despite the way it ended we were good together and it was a much needed thing in my life. It has taught me one or two things though.
Since Jamie, I've gained one or two admirers in work. We have a regular called Dan. He's a lovely guy but he do enjoy a drink and when he's had a few he can come across as a bit of a prat. Off the drink though, he is the nicest guy you could meet. I know he likes me for a few reasons, none of which I'm going to divulge here. There's another regular called Rick. Apparently the other night he asked my friend Bex if I was single! Like Dan, Rick is lovely. The only thing with Rick is that he's only 22 so he's too young. There are one or two other admirers so I know that going into 2013 I might not be short of offers. None of them know about my trans status so it's kinda nice knowing that they like me as a woman, that they see me as female.
to be continued.......
"Around the time he dumped me, he told his parents about my trans status and I fully believe that they pressurised him. Pretty quickly my feeling of loss turned to hate and I wouldn't want anything to do with him again.
ReplyDeleteI understand that, though it might be worth noting that he could have been put in a situation of having to choose between you and his parents. That's an awful and unfair decision to have to make (if true) and would not be entirely his fault.