Learning To Feel Accepted

(L to R)
Me, Emily and Ellen

Last night I went out on the town. I think I've mentioned briefly before about how supportive my college group is so I'm going to expand on that a little bit. Now, in school I never really fitted in and I was bullied. This kinda carried on into my working life, once I'd left school. When I did begin to fit in, when I found a niche to belong to, it wasn't how I wanted to fit in. I didn't want to be 'one of the guys', I didn't want to fit into that niche. It was a place though and somewhere to belong to so I just got on with things I guess. When I transitioned I needed a new place to fit in and it has taken me a while to find that place. I now feel like I belong in a place I want to belong to. I've found a level of acceptance that I'm happy with and that I need in my life right now. That is because of the college group. We are all so close and I genuinely feel accepted as one of them. I'm not on the sidelines, not being judged, not being taken apart like a frog in a biology class. I'm me, Emma, and they treat me with so much respect and love that I can feel myself begin to well up writing this. The thing is that we've all said the same to each other. We can not believe how much we've bonded and how much we get on.

(L to R)
Back Row: Dave, ???, Me, Jack, Jo, Josh
Front Row: Rachel, Tammie, Kelly, Paige, Katie

Last night, a few of us went into town. I wasn't drinking, due to driving, but I still had such a great time. I felt like one of them, like they genuinely wanted me there. From the outsider, this may be coming across like an emotionally charged drunken speech. I assure you that I'm as sober as a judge. It's just that I need acceptance, I need reassurance and I need to know that I would be missed were I not there. For so long, especially in social settings, I've felt like people find me an embarrassment, a trophy freak. Now I feel accepted, I feel reassured and I feel like I would be missed and that just feels so nice.