Charing Cross And Home

So, I'm home. I was discharged on Monday at around 1:30pm. I had a couple of hot chocolates in Starbucks with the other girls in the ward before my parents arrived to take me home at around 3:30ish. Then we took a taxi to St Pancras before catching the 6:25pm train. We eventually got home at around 9:30pm. I actually cried a few times during the journey home. In the end I was sorry to be leaving Charing Cross, being released into society again. The other girls on the ward, my birth twins, started feeling a lot better on the Friday and so we had a really nice weekend. The fact that I also had visitors on the Friday, Saturday and Sunday made things that bit nicer.

     On the Friday, a friend I'd made on Twitter called Amy popped in to visit. She had her op in July last year and so it was great to be finally talking to someone who'd been through the experience herself. Up until Friday the other girls had struggled and so conversation between us was limited. After Amy had gone though we all started talking and that's when things got better.

     On the Saturday I had my packing removed. It was a strange and quite traumatic experience. The packing was yellow and very long and it was packed in quite tightly so it took the nurse a while to remove it. Deborah, the lady in the bed next to mine described it as being like giving birth to a rag doll and I can't think of a better description. Once it was out I felt strangely unblocked.

     Once the packing was out it was straight onto dilation. The dilatory are hard, clear Perspex. You get two, one smaller in width than the other. First you have to lubricate the smaller one then insert it as far as it will go before holding it in for 5 minutes. Once thats done it's onto the larger one. This is to get the width and you have to hold this one in for 20 minutes and it hurts. As of writing I'm getting around 6 inches with the smaller one and around 5-6 inches with the larger one. I have to dilate like this 3 times a day.

     My parents visited me on the Saturday and Sunday afternoons. It was a dash of normality while we sat sipping caramel lattes in Costa Coffee. The Sunday marked Easter Sunday so myself and the other 2 girls, Deborah and Adele, popped to the chapel to light a candle. It was kind of apt that Easter fell at the same time as my op, what with it bing the festival of new life. Afterwards we popped to Costa for a coffee and spoke about our previous lives.

     On the Sunday night, at midnight, I had my catheter removed. It hurt far less than I thought it would. My first girl wee occurred just under an hour later and I had mixed emotions. On one hand I knew I'd be going home on the Monday, on the other hand I'd grown attached to my new friends and I'd actually become institutionalised to a certain degree. It's kinda scary how quick that happens.

     So, what's life been like away from hospital? It's been hard, that's for sure. Dilation has been hard and has brought me to floods of tears. On my 2nd day home I noticed I'd picked up an infection. A bad smell, pussy discharge and increased pain were signs I'd been told to look out for. I'm currently on antibiotics for it and they seem to be working. I'm finding the simplest tasks absolutely exhausting. I put some washing in today and I had to have a nap! It's so scary how much this has taken out of me. It's not all doom and gloom though. The last of the packing has fallen off and so I can now see the whole shape without any odd bundles in the way. The shape is there and you can get a picture of what it'll look like one the swellings gone down, the bruisings disappeared and the suture lines have healed. I'm making my peace with the tri-daily dilations although I'm praying for the day I can cut it down to twice daily.

     I've learnt many things over the past 11 days but the most important thing has been that I'm learning that the op wasn't the end. It's a realisation that I always guessed at but never really believed. This is just the beginning, the beginning of a long road. It's not going to be easy, that I know now. I'm going to have good days and I'm going to have bad. This is just the beginning though, the beginning of my new life.