My GRS Experience - Day 6

Day 6: Saturday 30th March 2013
     I awaken with more optimism than I have done recently. Today is a big day because I'm having my packing out. It's been a strange sensation because the packing is in a place that didn't exist before so its quite hard to describe. It's a little like being heavily constipated. After the packing I'll begin dilating. I'm not entirely sure what that entails although I've heard mixed stories about it. Some really suffer with it while some find it a really nice experience. I hope I'm in the latter category.

     Before breakfast arrives I have a moment where I cry openly on the ward. I feel worn out due to yesterday's excitement and I feel unbelievably emotional. The Russian lady in F1 shows concern and so does Deborah. I feel stupid for crying in front of people and the tears don't last long.

     After breakfast Joanna (the nurse who admitted me on my first day) pops in and asks me if I'm ready for my packing out or if I want to wait. I opt to have it out now, just to get it over and done with. A couple of minutes later and Joanna returns with a trolley. She draws the curtains and I get in position. She begins squirting water on the packing to soften it before she starts to tug at it gently. She needs to be careful so as not to pull the vagina in on itself causing prolapse. It hurts and it's a pretty traumatic experience. I can feel almost every tug as Joanne eases the packing out. The packing itself is a long yellow bandage that they stuff into the vagina after surgery. It's meant to keep the vagina open as it begins to heal. They really stuff it in there so there's a lot of it and it seems to take ages to remove. I tell Joanna about Deborah's description of it, how she described it as like giving birth to a rag doll. I hear Deborah laugh as she overhears from her bed.

     It takes a long time for Joanna to completely remove the packing but once it's done I heave a big sigh of relief. I feel empty although it is a nice feeling. It wasn't the nicest experience of my life that's for sure. After the packing has been removed its straight onto dilation. I'm given two dilators. They are around seven to eight inches long and are clear Perspex tubes with tapered ends like a rocket. Ones wider than the other. Joanna coats the end of the smaller one with lubricant and inserts it into my vagina. It feels unspeakably strange to have something inserted in that region of my body. It's really uncomfortable but not as bad as I thought it would be. The packing has kept my vagina open so the first dilation is pretty easy. After five minutes Joanna removes the dilator and coats the end of the larger one with lubricant before handing it to me. I need the mirror but its easy to see where to insert it. It's harder than the smaller one and I struggle to reach the depth Joanna did with the smaller dilator. I have to keep this one in for twenty minutes so I put some music on my iPhone and imagine I'm anywhere but here with this Perspex thing in me.

     After I've dilated I clean up and have a shower. Up until now I've not been able to shower because of the vaginal packing. Now it's out I can shower and it's the best shower I've had in a long while. I wash my hair for the first time since Sunday and I actually feel clean. I put clean pyjamas on and put some make-up on in readiness for my parents arrival this afternoon.

     After dinner I dilate before my parents arrive. We head to the day room to chat. It's nice to hear their news from home because it feels like I've been here for lot longer the six days. After half an hour we decide to head to Costa for a coffee. It's amazing to get off the ward for a couple of hours and to have a proper coffee. I feel annoyed at myself for not venturing here before. My parents stay for a couple of hours before I head back to the ward. It was so good to see them and it made me feel closer to home. Hopefully I'll be going home on Monday so I've only got one full day left. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that.

     I get back to the ward just in time for dinner and the drugs round. After dinner Adele does my nails for me and Deborah fetches a lady called Sally from next door. Sally took my bed in E-Bay and had her op on Wednesday. Shes really nice and seems very down to earth. We all chat for a while before settling down in our respective beds for the night. It's been another good day and I'm actually a bit frustrated that it's not been like this all week. I hated being here at the start of the week but now I'm really enjoying it. I'm enjoying the new camaraderie I've found with the other girls here and I feel like I'm amongst friends finally. I don't feel out of place anymore.