5 Years Of Blogging:-The First Post

On the 24th March I'll mark 5 years of blogging which is quite a milestone. I can still remember writing that first post like it was yesterday which is strange considering all that's happened since. At that time though I don't believe I ever imagined I'd be where I am today. I never started blogging as a way to document my transition because I'm not sure I ever thought I would transition. It was just a way to document my thoughts, something to do. What my blogs have turned into though is something quite special. They've turned into a proper story of a transition.

To mark my 5 year anniversary I thought I'd take a look back at my blogs and republish a few posts from different periods in my transition. I'm starting at the beginning and a post I wrote on the Monday 24th March 2008 entitled Ain't It Just Typical.

4 years ago, around about this time, I went to work in Spain. I'd just started to really embrace my femininity and had begun to build a decent collection of clothes. I'd got my first wig and had begun to experiment with make-up. Why I felt the need to throw it away in favour of a life in foreign climbs would seem kinda obvious. At that stage in my transgender life I didn't really realise the kind of progress I was making. Infact I didn't understand that you could progress as a t-girl. Anyway, I went to work in Spain, threw most of my things away and stopped dressing. To be honest, it affected me. At the time I didn't realise it, but it definately affected me. Not being able to express myself.
When I got back to this country a year later, it took a while to get back to the position I was in before I left. It took me ages to build a decent clothes collection and get wigs. Now after 3 years of being back in this country I am in the great position of being able to go full time should I want without too much extra expense. My make-up is at an acceptable level and I've created my own style. I've even gone out dressed for the first time. I'm really happy with myself in terms of being a t-girl. But fate has a way of rocking the boat doesn't it.
Yesterday I got a message on facebook from my old headchef from Spain. He's recruiting for the new season and he's offered me a job. I'm not particularly enjoying my own job at the moment so a return to Spain would be a great opportunity. Infact the job offer couldn't have come at a better time. It would do wonders for my experience and future employment options. But, If I went back to Spain, Emma would have to go into hibernation for a while. The question is, am I prepared to do that. The answer is, no. I can't do it, I really can't. For the first time, since I realised what I am, I'm putting it first. I'm doing something for the good of Emma, rather than the male me. Spain would be the making of male me, but it could severly set female me back years, and I just am not prepared to do that.

Just a couple of weeks previously I'd gone out as Emma for the very first time. I'd gone up to Manchester and experienced a Canal Street night out with a group called The Northern Angels. It was the making of me. Despite the ending of the post I did go back to Spain and I spent nearly 9 months there. It was hard, really hard at times. I can remember that I'd often look at the pictures from that first night out and despair that I'd never get out again. Of course, I did enjoy aspects of Spain, it wasn't all bad. It was a valuable period of my life though in that it helped me work things out. I realised I wasn't happy in my male skin and that I needed to change things. I had a girlfriend and realised that I was never meant to be. Boyfriend. It never felt right, especially the physical aspects. It's funny how periods of your life that are extremely hard end up as essential parts of who you end up being.