In 4 Weeks Time

     In 4 weeks time I'll be settling in for the night although I very much doubt I'll be getting much sleep. 4 weeks tomorrow at around 7:30am I'll be boarding a train at Chesterfield train station and I'll be settling down in first class (I've decided I'm travelling down in comfort!). 4 weeks tomorrow at around 11am I'll arrive at Charing Cross hospital in London ready for my week stay and 4 weeks tomorrow at 5pm I'll find myself under Mr Bellringers knife. I know it's not a very romantic way of putting it but I'm trying to keep a certain perspective over it. I'm starting to feel the nerves now, the closer it gets. Each day is another day crossed off and it really is starting to go fast. It's like that extra sprint you have at the end of a long race, that last ounce of energy that you find from somewhere.

     I've come home today, just for a couple of days. It's the last time I'll be home before I come back the day before my op so I'm going to make a couple of last checks. I've been 'stocking up' on certain things I'll need since I got my date. Things like wipes, nappy sacks, panty liners, etc. I've also got a few things for the hospital stay such as an eye mask and ear plugs. It's amazing the things I'll need but I'm determined to be as prepared as I can be. I've started stocking up on lubricant too. I've heard that aqua gel is one of the better brands so I've been shopping on eBay. I got my douche months ago so that's all ready to go. It is quite funny when you think about it. When I got my date I got. Big plastic box and I've been putting all of my things in it. If someone broke in and looked in it I'm not sure what would go through their head! There's lots of wipes, nappy sacks, a few towels, flannels, lots of lubricant and this strange pink bubble with a long tube attached (the douche). It would make anyone blush unless you knew the situation lol.

     It's 2 week since I stopped the hormones and as yet I've not really noticed any effects. I've had a few emotional moments and my dreams are a tad wackier than usual. I don't feel much different than I did 2 weeks ago though. I am looking forward to restarting them though as it feels strange not taking my morning and evening tablets.

     In terms of the op, Im kinda scared but not in an 'eeeekkkk' kinda way. I'm concerned about the recovery more than anything but only like I would be with any major surgery. Im not sad to see that part of my anatomy go. In reality it shouldn't be there and the surgery is a corrective one. The thing I'm actually most scared about is what my next 'target' will be. For the past 4 years I've had a target whether it was getting referred to the GIC, being prescribed hormones or being referred for surgery. After the surgery, once I've recovered, what will I have to aim for? I can remember when I first came out and I started talking about going full-time. A few people said that I'd miss the buzz of going out dressed but I didn't. Life got normal and I'm hoping that that happens once I've recovered, life will be normal.