A Compromising Clear Out

Yesterday I sat down in front of my camera. The intention was to film a short update for my you tube channel. Two hours later I stopped talking. It has done me the world of good, just to talk to something. I really needed to open my heart up and just let everything out.

     I've also come to a bit of a compromise in terms of how I see myself. I still see myself as a woman and I think that that should be expected. I've had a few comments from people on the forums (I have left but it doesn't hurt to keep a bit of an eye) and I've been upset by a few. I've wanted to be a girl for all of my life and I surely shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed because I want to be seen as one by the great British public. The community is a good thing and these support sites are a good thing if you feel you need them. Recently I've found myself even looking down on a few posters and that isn't a good thing. I think that once you start to think like that, it's time to take a time out. It's time to disappear for a while and take stock.

     I need to remove the unhealthy parts of my life, the parts that make me feel dirty. I've decided to leave the support sites for the reason I gave above (they in no way made me feel dirty). I am a member of a couple of other sites though, namely TvChix and Birchplace. I joined them when I was still a part-time dresser but nowadays they just make me feel dirty. I'd pop onto the chat rooms to see if any of my friends are there and I'd get chat requests from fifty year old men and I'd just think 'seriously? You are living in cloud cuckoo land mate!'. Of course my visits to these sites has decreased a lot and now I think that I need them out of my life.

     I've also started having a bit of a Facebook clean out. If I've removed you then I am sorry, seriously no offense. There are a lot of people whom I've never met and whom I'm likely never to meet. I'm hopping to cut my friends list by a quarter (never thought I'd ever be in a position to get rid of friends lol). I think that it's just part of moving on. It may seem like I'm getting rid of everything trans in my life and that is wrong. The compromise I mentioned is that I'm just cutting the trans part of things down a bit. I'm trimming it before it becomes overgrown, allowing the flower to blossom. There are some Facebook friends who I have no intention of deleting and I will still continue to support the East Midlands Premier Trans Night Out, Nottingham Invasion.

     On Angels I've had a few replies saying that I could still offer support and advice. My door remains open on that score. I think that these blogs should be a great source of support for some people and that these more recent posts tell of a struggle that some will no doubt experience. I really do hope though that these recent posts can be seen for what they really are about and that people can kinda see my points.

     As I mentioned at the start of this post, I've done a video. It ended up at two hours long so I'm currently editing it down to ten minute segments, the first of which is below.