Through The Tough Part, Plain Sailing From Now On......

This is just a quick update regarding the trans event at the hotel where I'm a chef. We had some arrive tonight, I think they paid a bit extra. They ate in the restaurant (about 30) and everything went ok. My biggest concern has been that I'd be lumped in with them rather than being seen as the woman I am. I've been really worried (to the point of sleepless nights) that the hard work I've put in in attempting to live a normal life would be ruined. As it is, it's not happened like that, not yet at least. This afternoon my head chef actually brought it up when he asked me if I found the event offensive. He wondered if I found the idea of this side of things (transvestites and cross dressers) offensive. I know what he meant and I actually told him a bit about my insecurities about it all. The truth is that I don't really have anything to worry about, although I do think that my initial concerns were justified.

     On a positive note I now think that this whole thing has been a positive experience. I'd become lazy, fixed in my ways. The voice hadn't progresssed because I'd stopped trying. I opted for comfortable clothing rather than clothes that shout about my femininity. I didn't shave my legs as often as I should. They are all small things but they all count. I'd grown comfortable living as transgender rather than delving into the female world as I need to. Being forced to answer questions about where I stand on the gender spectrum hasn't been a nice experience. It's been one of the hardest periods of my life for about 2 years. It's a period that I needed to experience though and now I've been through it I am a changed person. Now I've ditched the transgender status I was once so proud of I feel alot happier about 2012. Of course the op is looming on the horizon and I'm counting down the days. The truth is though that I now realize that I can experience 2012 and use the time I have left before the op to really focus on what being a woman is all about.